Different track tonight. Kind of disheartened with my station in life right now.
I put on a brave front out in the world, all the while struggling with my inability to drag myself up out of the bog that seems to have a hold of me. Financial woes — I know I’m not the only one struggling with this, but tonight it is just about me. The lack of suitable funds can result in many things. I’ve learned to live on next to nothing, which hasn’t actually been that difficult because as a kid my parents did the same, so I was familiar with going without. My Dad was a blue collar worker, and held down a couple of other jobs at the same time, to make ends meet. He was the best — held it together in times of adversity (that I won’t go into here). But I wonder what he thought of his lot in life? He seemed happy enough, content in his spare time (which wasn’t often) having a smoke and a beer; and being silent. Dad was the silent type, something I am not. I’m extremely outgoing. In all other ways, I am a clone of my Dad, and that’s a great thing.
But…back to this bog, fog or whatever you want to call it. It just seems to have attached itself to me, and no matter what I try, it has an impact….on relationships, on friendships, on many facets of my life….and on the ability to do things.
People told me that “it” would get better with time. I wanted to believe them, but as job application after job application was ignored, and the finances dwindled, I began to wonder if they really knew what they were talking about. I still wonder to this very day.
I had a wonderful opportunity slip through my fingers tonight…and without airing it here, am somewhat dismayed about that loss. 😦